Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The last day of training

J and I decided that today is the last day of our training for the Camino. So we walked 11 miles this afternoon and our minds and bodies are ready to pause until our departure on December 13th. I thought how fitting it is to conclude our training on the 1st Sunday of Advent; time to stop and await the new beginning. It sort of feels like that rest note in the music, not a complete stop but a moment of rest and anticipate the next note. It is that quiet emptiness I love the most. My yoga teacher frequently reminds me to learn how to rest in that empty space; the space between what has passed and what is to come, completely independent from what has taken place and what is to anticipate but what is. Oh, did I mention music? I used to spend so much efforts and time for practice, practice and some more practice but only able to sing softly for so many years. I couldn't bring myself risking the imperfectness of my voice being heard by someone. One day, fueled by utter exhaustion, I finally asked myself the hard question. "Who is singing?" Really, who is singing? Who is walking? Who is breathing? It is my desire that I will have enough presence of the mind to ask myself the same question as I walk the Camino. Because, it always bring me back to that empty space in my heart where I can rest. There, nothing has been changed, completely unaffected by life and my perceptions and burdensome opinions dissolve into nothingness for they are indeed, nothing. I am grateful for the One who has been and will be walking with me. And, as they say, the rest is history.

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